Trinity and the Immaculate Conception
Disclaimer:Believe it or not, this post has nothing to do with religion, but the same old irreverence applies.
That being said, I'm going to tell you about a little 4th of July miracle that happened in this house.
It all started when we adopted a 3-legged cat. What POSSIBLE use could one contrive for Hopalong Kitty? I guess she's more useful than a robot cat, but I guess she would be a good candidate for a cyborg kitty. Her given name was Elvira (lame) but we decided to re-name her Trinity on account of the three legs.
We figured out she was pregnant about a week ago. All the telltale signs had me putting my fingers in my ears and screaming "LALALALALALLALALALALALALALALA!" but no amount of denial or fear of babies would stop what was already occuring. What was MORE odd was that she has not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES been exposed to a male cat while in our care. We were even told when we got her a couple of months ago that she was fixed. That left me with two possible conclusions:
A)She was already pregnant when we got her.
B)Immaculate conception
Fuck. Not only did we have NO NEED to add another cat to our already happy and well-adjusted two-cat family (females), but now we have the god-damned Virgin Mary to deal with. Not only that, but I have pedophobia (not to be confused with pedophilia), human or otherwise. Luckily, there's a 4-step hypnosis program that should take care of my fear of kittens. None of my childhood pets were allowed to give birth...they were fixed as soon as they were old enough.
This was a responsible decision on the part of my parents, but definitely not good for my development. I even managed to be absent the day they showed The Miracle of Life in Health class. I have terribly retarded mental development when it comes to children, much to the confusion and dismay of my wife.
Trinity went into labor on the 4th of July. Thankfully we had no plans and were home all day, so we got to be in on the whole process. Trinity had 5 kittens, one of them didn't make it, so the official head count was 4. She's been a caring, loving mother and we're certain the kittens are going to be well-fed and healthy.
We've decided to keep one and name it Jesus.
I don't know that it's really sunk in or that this crash course in birthing will prepare me in any way for children or that Trinity's Immaculate Conception has bolstered a belief in any diety, but it didn't hurt.
That being said, I'm going to tell you about a little 4th of July miracle that happened in this house.
It all started when we adopted a 3-legged cat. What POSSIBLE use could one contrive for Hopalong Kitty? I guess she's more useful than a robot cat, but I guess she would be a good candidate for a cyborg kitty. Her given name was Elvira (lame) but we decided to re-name her Trinity on account of the three legs.
We figured out she was pregnant about a week ago. All the telltale signs had me putting my fingers in my ears and screaming "LALALALALALLALALALALALALALALA!" but no amount of denial or fear of babies would stop what was already occuring. What was MORE odd was that she has not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES been exposed to a male cat while in our care. We were even told when we got her a couple of months ago that she was fixed. That left me with two possible conclusions:
A)She was already pregnant when we got her.
B)Immaculate conception
Fuck. Not only did we have NO NEED to add another cat to our already happy and well-adjusted two-cat family (females), but now we have the god-damned Virgin Mary to deal with. Not only that, but I have pedophobia (not to be confused with pedophilia), human or otherwise. Luckily, there's a 4-step hypnosis program that should take care of my fear of kittens. None of my childhood pets were allowed to give birth...they were fixed as soon as they were old enough.
This was a responsible decision on the part of my parents, but definitely not good for my development. I even managed to be absent the day they showed The Miracle of Life in Health class. I have terribly retarded mental development when it comes to children, much to the confusion and dismay of my wife.
Trinity went into labor on the 4th of July. Thankfully we had no plans and were home all day, so we got to be in on the whole process. Trinity had 5 kittens, one of them didn't make it, so the official head count was 4. She's been a caring, loving mother and we're certain the kittens are going to be well-fed and healthy.
We've decided to keep one and name it Jesus.
I don't know that it's really sunk in or that this crash course in birthing will prepare me in any way for children or that Trinity's Immaculate Conception has bolstered a belief in any diety, but it didn't hurt.
posted by MobileSuitPilotX at 7/05/2005 09:48:00 PM
3 Comments:
Hopefully there are no kitty crucifictions in their future.
Will there be a cover up as to whether your Meowssiah has off spring?
Very entertaining story Justin...
~Tony
Hehe. Nope, no crucifixions, no cover-ups. Of course, if Kitty Jesus grows up to be a prophet, I'll probably be on his good side. I already serve him, (uh, Him) anyways.
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